You made me cry and you don't even care
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
