I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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