i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
