I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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