Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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