420 ftw
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
