Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize