throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
