I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
