farters have to be the big spoon...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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