I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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