I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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