ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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