Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
