so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
