Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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