I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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