i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
