she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
