I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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