I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
