remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
