so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
false alarm. still invincible.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize