I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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