his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
