she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
