Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
