i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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