Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
