The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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