Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is wine microwaveable?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
