Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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