did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
