At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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