the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
