I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
