Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
