OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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