i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
