so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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