Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize