mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I could make wine with my vomit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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