What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
