There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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