do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
