My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
