dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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