As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
