if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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