i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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