I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
