SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
