And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
