The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
where are my eyebrows?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
