dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
