I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
