She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
