i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
