Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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