I wish I could teleport
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
