i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize