It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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