This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
