My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
