We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
