My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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