She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
