i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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