Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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