woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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