Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
