I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
