My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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