i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
