HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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