I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
