Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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