Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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