Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
