i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
