Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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