Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
