Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
