So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
