You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My bed smells like the plague
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
