I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize