I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
