That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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