would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
