but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
