Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
