Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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