my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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