i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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