i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
