she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
