I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
honey bunches of taint.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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