I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
