You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize