Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
