2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
