wakey wakey hands off snakey
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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