Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
