Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
