Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
