I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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