hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
