just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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