So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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