Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize