You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
