grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
