I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
